Missing my MoJo

It's true, I've been missing. So has Brian.

I am not sure the status of Brian and knitting, but his Wii is going strong and he has this game called Link's Crossbow Training. Which does not have a crossbow but has some sort of attachment for the wiimote that looks like a white plastic crossbow handle. He and his BF Boomer had a friend over and her partner ended up being a total racist and was really crazy on that game, using racial epithets to describe the characters he was shooting. Needless to say, he has not been welcomed back Chez Sooner and Boomer, but he left many high scores on the Link's Crossbow Game. I have made it my stated intention to defeat all of his high scores. So far so good.

I miss knitting. I barely pick up the needles anymore. While my social life has picked up in ways that prevent me from ever watching television (I've gotten through 9 episodes of this season's L Word since February and that's all the tv I've watched) I have plenty of time to knit while waiting for certified checks for work or on subways. But for some reason my ability to get together a small project for traveling like that has left me. It's so bizarre that something I was so passionate about isn't at my fingertips anymore and I'm not sure what that's about.

I miss the sense of accomplishment. The peacefulness and sense of purpose in the downtime. I don't know where it went. I've been working halfheartedly on a modified scarf from the Knitting New Scarves book (the cover project) in the gorgeous Angora I bought at Rhinebeck last year. It's soft and perfect but moving along only a small inch at a time.

Two of my old, good friends are expecting a baby in February. This will be the first baby of any of my good friends, the first who is going to call me Aunt. And I am thrilled beyond belief. I've decided to knit it a wardrobe of hats. Easy, small projects, good stash busters and useful. I'll make lots of sizes so it can grow into them. I also have a blanket I'll finish for it, since I've had 2 on the needles since 2005 that need to get done.

I've had this craving to knit lately. Every time I pass my table and chairs behind my apartment building, where I used to knit all the time at my old apartment with my scoundrel fiance, I think about getting a cup of coffee and enjoying the morning shade with my knitting. But I don't do it because I'm always in such a rush.

And I'll even bring my knitting with me places and then never pull it out. I don't understand what happened to my mojo and why I don't feel as compelled to knit anymore. Do I need a new hobby? Do I need to knit other things?

Anyway, I am in the process of re prioritizing my life and trying to figure out my passions and excitements and fitting them in and making it work. I am really happy, by and large now. And when I am stressed or overwhelmed (which is a lot now, too) I am even still happy because it's good stress, and good busy. I feel really productive, like I am making a difference in the world and becoming more of the woman I want to be.

I can definitely knit while I work on the podcast (which does take about 30-40 hours per episode to produce). I'm not making some grand sweeping gesture that I will absolutely change or anything, I am just taking stock of how I prioritize my time and how to better use it in order to add (even) more joy. I just need to figure out projects that add joy to me and don't feel like something I need to finish, you know?

Brian is featured in Episode 2, talking all about his break-up strategies. And Episode 3 is about self-esteem. Forthcoming Episode 4 is on Health at Every Size (it's all done on my end, my technical editor, Anna, is off in the woods). I am joining her in the woods for Michigan again. Part of packing is, of course, figuring out what to knit in the dirt. I hope I do it.