sweetjesusIHATEponchos

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"This photo shows me wearing a poncho adapted from the Lion Brand Homespun free pattern listed on your website and my pet rat Nibbler wearing a crocheted cape I made for her. It's basically a granny square with a tie in the front to hold it on. The amazing thing is that she likes to wear it. I often crochet her little blankets for her cage from the scraps I have left over from bigger projects. Lion Brand yarns must taste great, because she doesn't just nibble on her cage bars, she nibbles on the blankets!"

JesuschristIcan'tevenstandit! That'saneffingRATPONCHO! FORFUCKSAKE!

An Open Letter to Taco

Below please find the following review that Brian and I consulted, via Yahoo! Movies, prior to viewing the film Batman Begins.

Disapointing by taco10407@sbcglobal.net (movies profile) Jun 16, 2005 82 of 1235 people found this review helpful

First of all I reserved these tickets for about ten people and was exited to see this new movie. But it was so boring, slow and long. And the action, what action? there wasnt any except like in a chase scene and at the end on a train, but thats it and the movie is about two and a half hours long. The effects were really good too, well since there wasnt much action there wasnt much effects to fill out. Second I didnt get it, the story kept going from one persons view to another. And the villains, theres like three but they dont even do anything, and the most popular villain in the movie is the scarecrow and he is only a henchman. The acting was pretty good Christian Bale and Katie Holmes werent bad. But what really ticked me off was that the characters kept talking and talking and no action was done. It just carried on too much you dont know how much until you see the movie. Oh and another thing when Bruce/Christian wears the Batman suit his voice changes it sounds kind of like Clint Eastwoods voice which made it even cheesier. So much hype but it just failed to deliver. "Man" such a dissapointment wait for War of the Worlds of Fantastic Four.


Here follows our open letter to Taco regarding his review.

Dear Taco10407:

Hello to you!! We are writing in response to your Yahoo! Movies review entitled “Disapointing [sic]” dated June 16, 2005 and regarding the film Batman Begins.

I am Bevin, you may recall me from such antics as that time I bought yarn from LadyOfyre on ebay or my appearance in the New Yorker magazine when I totally rode the Yarn Bus and reached national fame. This letter is being jointly written with Brian, who you may recall as the Boy Knitter of the Knitlist or the other person on the Yarn Bus with Bevin that time when the New Yorker profiled them and they reached national fame.

It is difficult to absorb the complexity of a review as intricate as “Disapointing [sic]”. However, noting your dismay regarding the “lack of action” in Batman Begins, Brian and I saw the movie and counted the number of action scenes. Taco, we must say, we were surprised to note, especially after your review stating that there were only two action scenes (“except like in a chase scene and at the end on a train”) that there were no fewer than 22 action scenes in Batman Begins. This is, of course, assuming you count the time when Katie Holmes (aka Joey from Dawson’s) totally slapped that boy—twice—in the car for being a mofo. That was actiony in that it totally involved contact and violence, but no special effects. Also, it was the closest to sex we got in the movie. Purists may say this was not an action scene, in which case there are still 21 action scenes.

Some action sequences that may have slipped your mind when drafting “Disapointing [sic]” were that time Bruce Wayne got into a fight with 12 prisoners in the Asian Prison. Which, by the way, we feel is a sign of a good movie these days, please see Bridget Jones 2 for example, where she is totally in Asian Prison. Or that time when Bruce Wayne blew up the dojo in the Himalayas and almost fell off of a mountain. Or the time when he did that thing to that guy and then did the spotlight and then we had a bat signal. And there’s also that one time he is dangling that guy off the roof and yelling “swear to me” and stuff. There were many more, and that slap scene if you buy it as action, which we do.

Also, regarding special effects. There were a great deal of special effects shots, though some may have been seamless to your discerning eye. One may say the hallmark of a good special effect is that it does not seem like a special effect and becomes expendable to the viewer as the reality of the film’s shoot. For example, didn’t it hella look like it was a real train system going into that tower, every time they showed it and not just the time when Batman [editing this so as not to spoil the film for potential viewers, but let me assure you this is no doubt the second action sequence you refer to in your review].

And how about those maggots on the Scarecrow’s mask? Those weren’t actiony but, come on Taco, did you really think that cute boy would let so many maggots near his pristine visage and especially his mouth?

Taco, we theorize that you either did not see the same movie we did, or that you might have been high while viewing it. The fact that the movie kept changing from one actor to another indicates that the point of view was omniscient and not first person and that they were telling a story instead of playing a video game. This is called a plot and is a very useful tool when one is trying to move along a movie and make the actiony elements even slightly believable.

The one thing we totally agree with you about, Taco, is that Christian Bale channels Clint Eastwood as his Batman voice. We both would have gone with something more Darth Vadery but that’s us.

We certainly hope your other nine friends thought this was a fantastic action flick and enjoyed the fact that it was plot-driven.

Perhaps next summer Vin Diesel will make a movie without a plot and only action just for you.

See you at the movies?

Bevin & Brian
http://totallyknitting.blogspot.com

Old FOs and a Problem

First, a couple of FO**** pictures I found in my stash:



I finally finished Haywood's* valentine's day wristband. Here it is modeled by Leroy, the brother of the Official Spokesdog of the Totally Knitting Universe, Macy, who was in the backseat during this photo shoot.

The wristbands are in Debbie Bliss Cashmerino. (I bought the Debbie Bliss before I knew that the namesake made the mother of the proprietrix of the Official LYS** of the Totally Knitting Universe cry.) There is going to be another one, using black as the background. I used the pattern from this woman's blog, but modified it a little bit. Three false starts on this one. I used the first try, a wristband that was literally three inches too small, to make a cell phone cozy for myself. I also tried it on DPNs*** and completely failed. I made a knot, not unlike crochet. Anyway, I used size one needles, which is a size up from her pattern, and used dk weight yarn and she used fingering. There was a whole thing with getting the right gauge. Either her husband's wrists are super super skinny, or she knits way looser than I do.

Second FO is the CA Dishcloth I made for my mom so that she remembers the state she is in every time she does dishes. You can't really see CA in it, but it's there.



My problem FO is the rose trellis bag I made from Nicky Epstein's pattern in Vogue Knitting Winter '05. See the knitalong here. This is my finished bag. (Not too long to knit but a shit load of sewing.)



It looks funny. Like when it dried it didn't dry well formed or something. Brian thinks I should get it wet with really hot water and stretch it into shape over something (like a trash can) and let it dry that way. I'm sure there's a better solution. Any ideas?


*My GF.

**Local Yarn Shoppe

***Double Pointed Needles

****Finished Object

It's a flat knot shaped like a bag

When I let my mom know I was knitting she immediately put in requests/demands for many things. Things that will take me years to complete. She actually said "I would like 10 or so knitted grocery bags."

10. Bags. I have knitted two bags, both to be felted, and both took me about three months to make.

I began the cotton knitted bag from Knitty and got about five nights into it and realized it would take me about 6 solid weeks of work. The pattern is tough, the stitch isn't easy to do, especially with cotton, and I just knew I didn't want to put the kind of time into a cotton bag that this pattern called for.

I then decided to succumb to the crochet, because it is fast (relatively) and allegedly easy. I have only done one crochet project, a chain stitch trellis scarf I haven't finished the flowers for yet. I only had to decipher one term in that pattern, though. So I did some online research, got a few bag patterns that would work for groceries, sat down and completely didn't understand the first line of the pattern. I didn't have internet access and didn't bother looking anything up, I just tried to figure it out based on a couple of cursory crochet explanations in one of my pattern books.

Needless to say, I am free forming a bag based on some chain stitches with a double crochet (much help from this site which has video explanations, the photos and illustrations in books did not help me) loop around where the bottom meets the sides. Currently it is big enough that it would make an awesome/ridiculous garden hat for one of my drag characters.

Brian has given me endless shit about this, so, it remains the position of the Totally Knitting Universe that Crochet is an Inferior Fiber Art (TM). But mom will have a belated birthday gift with installment one of ten crochet grocery bags. (I really want to try to make an onion grocery bag next.) She thinks she's getting an afghan she has to piece together herself. In the bag I will put some goodies, like the several dishclothes I've knitted her (another request), which include the states of New Jersey, California and Texas. As well I will put a travel coffee mug with a picture of her favorite cat in it.

Anyway. I am not a fan of the crochet as a form to make something pretty or marvelous, except in rare instances. But for ease of use and quickness, it makes a good side project with the hateful Anny Blatt maus jumper thing I'm knitting. (See below entry.)

Also, this girl makes awesome crochet monsters which are the rare instance when crochet is cute.