Saturday, February 26, 2005

An Open Letter to Joan in Eugene

Recall my earlier correspondence with Joan in Eugene.

This email was sent to Joan earlier this week.

Dear Joan in Eugene,

I am Brian, the boy* knitter of the knitlist and star of knitflame. You may remember me from such correspondence as "I have enormous feet" and "I had no idea that knitting was serious like cancer thank you, Joan in Eugene, for teaching me that."

Since our correspondence regarding my sock problem I have totally looked to you, Joan in Eugene, as a model of the appropriate way to interact with others on the internet and also as the pinnacle of the Joan-in-Eugene-Knitting-Correspondence-Paradigm, a paradigm which includes a complete dearth of cutsie-pieness.

This is why, Joan in Eugene, I am so troubled by recent correspondence posted by you to the knitflame yahoo group under the subject "Flaming the Flamer." I have excerpted this correspondence for your reference here.

"Why all the apostrophes, since it looks like those words are merely plurals? Or would you have me write - Why all the apostrophe's, since it look's like those word's are merely plural's?"

Joan in Eugene, why the cutsie-pie grammar lesson? Has there been a paradigm shift? Don't you feel you might have gotten a more complete response from the apostrophe offender if you'd left the cutsie-pie stuff out? Not that you are in any way wrong regarding the grammar infraction you called out. I mean, I can totally see that you have your grammar down. But I have to tell you, Joan in Eugene, that I was a little put off by the cutsie-pieness of it all, especially given that I have been striving to eliminate cutsie-pie from my life at your urging. I guess I just feel like your response should have been a little more cerebral.

Joan in Eugene, I demand you contact me immediately to settle this issue. Could it be that I have misinterpreted this cutsie-pie business entirely and while cutsie-pie is unfitting when it comes to knitting, it is entirely well-suited for grammar lessons? I need you to define this cutsie-pie paradigm a little more rigidly for me, Joan in Eugene. I think you'll completely agree that this is totally a paradigm gray area and I'm sure it will not be the only one. These sorts of questions are bound to come up in the future.

Looking to you--as always--for Guidance,

Brian (boy* knitter of the knitlist and star of knitflame)

*The use of "boy" here indicates gender only; it is no indication of age.

So far there has been no reply. I remain hopeful she will clear up this issue for me. I will keep you posted.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

The Yarn Bus: A Photo Essay

As many of you may be aware, our LYS, Flying Fingers, features a unique service known in the common parlance as The Yarn Bus. The Yarn Bus is a 12 passenger van that collects passengers in Manhattan and takes them off on a mystical yarn-filled journey through the Bronx and drops them off at the front door of the LYS. They do so in a vehicle commissioned from the fine folks who craft the wienermobiles.

This vehicle features a paint job in garter stitch as if the yarn had been knit in some sort of extra chunky thick and bulky bladdydahooha yarn in blue, like Jesus had been sitting around knitting this yarn on size US 300 needles and whipped Himself up a van. It also features three enormous fiberglass yarn balls and two gigantic knitting needles on the roof.

The moment we saw the promotional materials for the Yarn Bus, we got in touch with Kevin or Elise or Both of Flying Fingers and booked passage from the City unto Irvington on Hudson.

Immediately preceeding our journey, as Sooner was especially tingly and Bevin was counting the change in her pocket, we were in touch with Kevin, specifically, regarding our impending arrival. We made it very clear that we expected nothing less than his emphatic greeting on the sidewalk in front of the establishment. See archived correspondence below.

We took the PATH train free of coffee in our tired bones because we feared being late for the Yarn Bus. Can you imagine how terrible it might be to have to chase after a rolling ball of yarn down Broadway? Through Midtown? Yeah, you'd go without coffee, too. Don't even lie and try to pretend you wouldn't. We have your number, Mister.

The Yarn Bus was completely idling on the street corner at 19th and 5th Ave (which, by the way, to Elise or Kevin or Both, that is NOT Union Square). Sooner approached the van cautiously, vaucher in hand.

We were greeted by Liz, who immediately disclosed that she is not the usual Yarn Bus driver, but is a usual LYS employee. After complimenting her mega cool felted hat, we were joined by Lauren, a reporter at the New Yorker. Lauren was totally forthcoming about the fact that she is a non-knitter, and was along simply to gather information for a potential feature for her magazine. Sooner and I made quick work of schooling her in the ways of the wacky knitting world. We told her about acronyms. We told her about different fibers. We told her about THIS blog.

It's a good thing we got to Lauren before any crocheters did, because we were able to warn her about the ickiness of crochet and the folk who practice said inferior fiber art (TM). We feel like we helped her dodge a major bullet.

To her credit, Liz completely agreed with us about crochet.

Liz careened safely through Manhattan and retrieved 2 more passengers on the Upper West Side, one of whom brought coffee onto the Yarn Bus, which has now answered the question we had about whether we could bring our neccessary java next time. (Though the night before we thought about an emergency email unto Kevin regarding same.)

Liz presented us with free Flying Fingers size US 13 needles in purple clear acrylic, which were both useful and totally cute. Neither of us had 13s yet.

She also handed us a basket with a bunch o' stash yarn. We do not need to tell you that stash yarn from a yarn shoppe is way way way nicer than stash yarn you're gonna get off ebay. Bevin decided then and there to knit up an offering for Kevin. She took a thick and thin yarn called "ghost" and a smaller tie dye looking yarn called "tarantelli" with the ambition of making Kevin a scarf. When we arrived at Flying Fingers Bevin presented Kevin with a coaster she named "The Ghost of Tarantelli", pictured here.

Everyone piled out of the Yarn Bus immediately. Kevin was not on the street to greet us, but, to his credit, Liz forgot to honk. We walked in and were astounded that the place was so packed to the gills with yarn that several times during our visit, baskets or displays of yarn were knocked over. Their cup runneth over, if you will.

In addition to the mega ton of yarn available on the shelves at first glance, there are many signs that inform the reader "Fear not! We have a 'closet' just across the street and a warehouse 2 blocks away, both also packed with yarn. Enough for any project." Here is a photo of communication between Kevin, in the shop, and the slave children in the warehouse, demanding that several skeins of slimmer shimmer in color "Rave" be brought immediately for Bevin's perusal.

Note the walkie talkie. Elise is just to his side.

As we were touching yarn, Kevin came up behind Bevin and proclaimed "You're Bevin." Bevin and Sooner were totally excited and introductions were made. Hands were shook. Needles were tapped to crochet hooks. Bridges had been formed.

We immediately got down to business, as Sooner was there on a mission. Although it was the start of business, the place already had many customers crawling around and demanding personalized yarn attendance.

Kevin did not disappoint. He pointed Sooner to the Bamboo yarns, and at some point jaunted off to double check an email from Sooner asking specifically for red Bamboo yarn. Which he produced from inside a stool.

Sooner was sold on this yarn immediately for a Scarf Style scarf called Interlocking Balloons. Bevin wanted attention regarding her Clapotis. Kevin brought her around to many sport weight yarns and showed us both the Peruvian Tweed, which we were completely taken with and both ended up getting a skein for other Scarf Style scarves.

Lauren got ahold of Kevin at this point and began an interview that completely dredged the back story of Kevin, Man Crocheter of Flying Fingers Yarn Shop. Apparently Kevin was once a Wall Street tycoon. And now his lovely flaxen curls grace only Main Street. Kevin and Elise or both have seven children, many of whom provide the slave labor in the warehouse.

At this point Bevin needed coffee to make a real decision regarding yarn, as you might well imagine. So we trucked up the giant hill to find that downtown Irvington is completely closed on Sunday, save for a pizza place, a pricey brunch joint and a yarn store (that does not serve coffee).

We ended up having brunch, taking full advantage of our window seat to totally experience Sunday morning in Irvington on Hudson.

On our way back we saw the building Kevin and Elise both purchased, to be the future home of our LYS. Perhaps to replace the warehouse and "closet"?

There is an impassioned plea on the front window regarding the construction that will no doubt wreak havoc on the sleepy town for the next year.

Additionally, and, perhaps, most indicative of the flair with which our LYS operates, there is a massive fiber glass yarn ball sheep in the front window.

Her name is Wooly Wooly.

We got back to the store and continued shopping. We had occasion to visit with Elise, who is marvelous in all ways and very chatty and knowledgable. She helped Sooner decide that the tweed shall become Here and There Cables. She is no doubt correct.

Kevin completely stepped in and helped Bevin pick out her Clapotis yarns, which also ended up causing him to knock down an entire display of shimmer yarns. It was a yarntastrophe, to be sure. No one seemed to care.

We were mezmerized by the magical yarn spinner that turned our hanks of tweed into center pull balls.

When Bevin tried to use it to make a ball out of a center pull skein that completely lied on the packaging, she created a giant knot that required both Kevin and Heidi (a store employee) and herself 45 minutes to resolve. Bevin has the midas touch in terms of turning balls of yarn into unworkable knots. She did not even cast on in the store.

Sooner made fun of her.

The day came to an end all to quickly.

The Yarn Bus, courtesy of Liz, dropped us off near Central Park so that we might see an art installation. The Gates were no doubt shadowed by the gloriousness of the departing Yarn Bus.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Pre Yarn Bus Correspondence

Sooner to Kevin, Man Crocheter of the Flying Fingers Yarn Shoppe:

Dear Kevin or Elise or Both,

I am Brian, the Boy Knitter from the Knitlist and also star of Knitflame. You may remember me from such emails as "crocheters are sailors who make knots" and "no offense I had no idea you were a crocheter."

Regardless, as I have mentioned in the past and to all who would listen, Flying Fingers is totally my LYS*. My blogging partner, Bevin, and I have in fact made Flying Fingers the official LYS of the Totally Knitting Universe.

As you may also recall Bevin and I are making our way up to Flying Fingers by way of the Yarn Bus this coming Sunday, February 20, 2005. We are totally looking forward to our adventure into your yarn land of luxury and have been busily preparing by deciding which projects to acquire supplies for and what not. I'm especially interested in the bamboo and soy fibers I read about on your website. I think I'd like to make Interlocking Baloons from Scarf Style from Bamboo -- RED -- but need to consult you first. This is the LYS advantage.

Anyway, I am sending this email unto you so that you would be reminded that we are coming to visit and hopefully arrange your schedule so that you may greet us as we emerge from the Yarn Bus. It is our hope to establish a long and fruitful relationship with Flying Fingers and in that way I'm sure you can see the value of a personal greeting upon our arrival.

Please see to it, Kevin or Elise or Both.

Brian, the boy knitter from the knitlist and star of knitflame.

*Local Yarn Shoppe

Kevin to Sooner:

Totally looking forward to it! (you're on the 10:00 am bus, yes?)

Btw, would you and Bevin (such an easy name for me to remember) like to enroll in my Mar 13 or Apr 3 Crochet Class?
(Sneak peek of draft Session X attached.)

Sooner unto Bevin:


This is totally exciting news. Get back to me asap regarding crochet dates.


P.S. someone whose name MIGHT rhyme with a'hole totally has a new FO*. Including fringe. I have decided to name the FO "Coffee's Miracle."

*Finished Object

Sooner to Kevin:

Dear Kevin,

Yes, our reservation is for the 10am Yarn Bus on Sunday February 20. Two days, Kevin. Two.

Both Bevin and I would very much like to be enrolled in your March 13 Crochet class. By any chance is the Yarn Bus available for that date? Might we secure a couple of seats in the Yarn Bus of Mystery and Wonder for March 13? Will we be learning to crochet a skull and crossbones?

Brian, the boy knitter of the knitlist and star of knitflame.

Kevin to Sooner:

Elise or I or Both are counting the hours, Boy Knitter aka Sooner.

In addition, I've signed you both up for the Mar 13 crochet w/s (noting the desire for skull & crossbones motifs) and given you reservations for the Mar 13 10am bus returning 4pm.

Bevin to Kevin (I know):

Dear Kevin:

You may already know me by name, but in case you are unfamiliar, I am Bevin, the Girl Knitter of the Totally Knitting Universe and a legalknitter. My friend Brian Blaho is the Boy Knitter of the Knitlist andStar of Knitflame and has been in contact with you regarding the YarnBus and Crochet Classes and whatnot. I have received copies of all correspondence from Brian unto you andvice versa. I am very pleased with your quality of service online andif that is any indication of the quality of LYS* service we willreceive in store (and on the street as we disembark from the Yarn Busof Magical Mystery and Wonder to your emphatic greeting) I will never regret having declared in concert with Brian Flying Fingers Yarn Shop the official LYS of the Totally Knitting Universe.

I have one small request for our E-Service henceforth. I noticed that the voucher Brian printed for our trip on the Yarn Bus of Magical Mystery and Wonder is in the name of Brian Blaho + Guest. In the style of a wedding invitation. While this is certainly okay and understandable since Brian made the reservation, I am specifically reaching out to you, Kevin, Man Crocheter of Flying Fingers Yarn Shop, to make sure that my name is explicitly on the registration for the very reasonably priced crochet class that books up months in advance.

You see, Kevin, Brian is dynamic, persuasive and charming. Not only that, he is also quite devious. I would not put it past him to putthe spot of "guest" up on ebay to the highest bidder. It is obviousthat the crochet class is in hot demand and any number of NYC metrowannabe crocheters might be tricked into bidding money to be Brian's guest. While I am left at the Union Square Yarn Bus of Magical Mystery and Wonders stop staring in disbelief that my promised spot inyour crochet class has been snatched up by some trust funded girl wishing to step ever so slightly away from garter stitch fun fur scarves, Brian will laugh all the way to the bank.

Now, I love Brian like a brother. He is my best knitting pal, blogging partner and uncle to my two lovely dogs, Leroy (a chihuahua)and Macy (shih tzu puppy and official spokesdog of TK.BS**). I do not think that Brian would betray my trust and yours in such a way, but I am just hedging my bets.

You understand.

See you on Sunday!!


Attorney at Law/Girl Knitter
*Local Yarn Shoppe

Kevin to Bevin:

Rest assured, you are your own uniquely identified person in every case, not just a token to be swapped out willy-nilly.

The First J.C. Totally Knitting Meet-Up!

Perhaps people might be interested in a knitting Me Me Me Me Me that Sooner and I have answered? Courtesy of one Jane D., major contributor to Knitflame, of course. Clickie.

Last night was the first ever official Totally Knitting Jersey City Meet-Up. As I live in Jersey City and I often drive Sooner's ass around, we chose to do it here. Plus, I like to meet fellow Jersey Citians since I am a columnist for a local paper and like to feel part of the community.

We met at Basic Coffee, promptly at 8 PM. We saw Sharon sitting at a table knitting away at a poncho (I know) and were instantly aware she was there for our Knitting Hang. We were joined by our other knitting friends very soon therafter. Sharon is a teacher working for a non-profit something or other in the city. Dawn is studying to get her real estate license and was working on a chunky scarf on big needles. Kristy was not there specifically for our Totally Knitting Jersey City Meet-Up but she was knitting at the cafe and we made her join us. She's going to Hudson Community College and was making a baby blanket for her neice, I'm not sure where she said the pattern was from but it looked lacy and marvelous. We even had another boy knitter (referring to gender not age), Raul. I forget what he does but it has something to do with Wall Street and he was making a cabled hat on circular needles. Sooner worked on his rose trellis bag using purple needles, while I worked on my Clapotis.

I feel as though I need to take this break to say that I was dubious about the Clapotis at first since absolutely every girl knitter on the internet has made one, but after seeing Peth and Yoko present their FOs at the last GGS* and then again seeing some completed internet versions I was drawn to it. So I got the yarn at our LYS** (pics and a marvelous essay to come tonight--STAY TUNED to TK.BS***) I am not entirely sure if I will love the Clapotis enough to keep it, but when I am done I may sell it to my mom at cost and make something else for myself. My mom would use the clapotis as a gift for someone and often commissions me to craft her things at cost plus something more.

We talked about a lot of things, including, but not limited to, a hearty debate regarding the lameness/coolness of the turtle shrug from scarf style, help with cabling and our lives and whatnot. I have noticed that many of the new members on the internet meet up group (link to join on the sidebar) have small dogs. It is mine and Sooner's hope that we can have a small dog/knitting Meet-Up in the future.

*Granny Girl Squad--the Totally Knitting Meet-Up, Philadelphia version
**Local Yarn Shoppe, Flying Fingers

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

The Official Zygote of the Totally Knitting Unvierse

Several months ago Sooner told me his only sibling announced her plan to try to conceive children, beginning in April. Christine later found out from the doc it was better for her, physically, to have them sooner rather than later. They have been attempting ever since. And by "attempting" to have a baby I want it to be made clear that I am completely aware that Sooner's sister is having a lot of sex.

My suggestion to Christine via Sooner insofar as conception is concerned, is to have sex every single day like it's their job. I heard this advice at a closing and the woman said every couple who did just that was pregnant in three months. As some of you may or may not know, I am a lesbian and this advice is completely lost on me, as when I try to get pregnant it will cost money each time and must be more scientific, especially when we get to baby number three, who I have already decided will be Haywood's eggs infested with our donor's sperm and implanted unto me. I think that the sex every day method is marvelous advice and if you can conceive for free, by all means I want people to succeed.

Anyway, Brian found out yesterday that his sister is two weeks pregnant. We are both very excited. Especially since the only friend I have who has had a baby is Lauren and she is in California and the rest of my friends are at least a couple of years off from babies and Haywood's brothers aren't due for any more until 2006 (again, at that time I will know that people are having a lot of sex).

This new life form is completely the Official Zygote of the Totally Knitting Universe. We have installed a countdown tracker at the bottom of the blog and posted here for instant gratification. We are asking that anyone who wishes to sponsor the Official Zygote and knit something for it or just send us yarn to knit something for it please do so.

My money is on a girl.

Days Until Sooner Unclefies
Lilypie Baby Ticker

Monday, February 21, 2005

Ponchos: A Subscript

While it is still the official position of TK.BS* that we hate all ponchos, we do not hate Lucia, designer of the dog poncho.

I recently received in my email a promotion from Lion Brand Yarn declaring the "man-cho" the next big thing. I am dubious.


Thursday, February 17, 2005

The Dog Spinner

Recall my Adventures with Ladyofyre. It was our correspondence that lead to my desire for one half skein eyelash yarn. An ad went out on knit list ads for a woman selling a box of novelty yarns, including one half skein eyelash yarn. I decided it was fate that I should purchase that box at that time and have been delighted by the result of my purchase. A whole box of wonders.

Anyway, along with the box of novelty yarns, I also purchased this woman's issue of VK* Winter '02. Having been pleased with my recent VK Winter '05 purchase, I figured at $3 it was a bargain if I liked even one of the patterns. Unfortunately, that issue did not arrive with the package of spectacular bargain novelty yarns.

When I let the seller know, she was very apologetic and put it in the mail right away and mentioned "I added a few extras for you!"

This morning I arrived at work to find that she had included the VK W'02, Family Circle Easy Knits September 1997, Cast On! The Magazine for Knitters both Holiday and Winter 1997. Eight years is enough to be vintage, let me assure you.

I brought the magazines with me to my dinner date with Sooner tonight. We were at the table at the Panera bread exploring the wonders within the covers ("OOH! This whole family has coordinating sweaters! How great!" "Sooner, I think you really need to own that interloping snow flake cardigan.") We also discussed at length the dangers of sweater knitting. What if you knitted a crosslane cabled sweater and it looks terrible on you? No matter whether or not something fits, sometimes it's just not flattering. It's not as though you can bring the sweater back to the LYS** and say it looks terrible, you'd like a refund on your yarn.

Anyway, I was looking at the ads and noticed that most of them didn't have websites, since it was 1997. One was for spinning someone's dog hair and cat hair into yarn.

I have been fascinated by this phenomenon since I began researching dog sweater patterns. It sort of freaks me out but of course I am drawn to it for it's freakishness. I do not wish to own anything knitted out of any of my animals, but I do think it would be funny to present this crazy gift to someone else. I instantly thought of my mother, who loves her granddog Macy. Macy is a shih tzu, very soft and glamorous. She would make a fine scarf or fingerless gloves if given the chance.

The woman's ad offered to make "catsmere" or "chien-ille". It had a phone number and an address. I thought that even though it was eight years old, her phone number probably hadn't changed. Plus, it was only 6 PM in Ohio.

DogSpinner: Hello?
Bevin: Hello, is this Fiber Works?
DS: Yes
Bevin: Um, do you still spin dog hair into yarn?
DS: After all these years, I'm still at it! HA HA!
Bevin: I am responding to your ad in the Holiday 1997 issue of Cast On! You know, the magazine for knitters?
DS: Oh. Well.
Bevin: Exactly how much would it cost to spin my puppy's hair into yarn? She's a shih tzu.
DS: It is fifteen dollars per ounce of workable yarn.
Bevin: Well, that sounds reasonable. How much hair do I need to send you? As many ounces as I want yarn?
DS: Pretty much. You'll collect her brushings, mostly from the soft undercoat, and send them in.
Bevin: What kind of yarn is it? See, I live in New Jersey and my mother lives in California and I was thinking that since she loves my dog so much she might want a little piece of Macy to keep with her at all times. It's so much better than a picture, you know?
DS: Sure. You could knit a shawl or scarf.
Bevin: Perhaps fingerless gloves.
DS: Of course.
Bevin: So do most people give you a haircut's worth of fur? Can I get the groomers to throw it in a baggie for me?
DS: Actually, it's a lot shorter that way and doesn't spin well. There's less workable fibers. The soft undercoat is what you're going for.
Bevin: So really I need to brush her and pull the stuff out of the brush.
DS: Exactly.
Bevin: So... I guess I will start collecting it. She's only 6.5 pounds, I'll probably have enough by Christmas.
DS: If you have some by next month I'll be at [some obscure knitting convention in PA I can't remember the name of].
Bevin: I hadn't even heard of that. But if I do end up going I'll bring Macy by for a consult.
DS: Sounds good!
Bevin: Thank you very much for the information. You have a great night.

Sooner's laugh was audible throughout the Panera Bread.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

New F.O.s

Well, it appears that Sooner and I have a big weekend ahead of us. Smiley's Yarns in Queens is having a sale. Also, our YARN BUS VOUCHERS are printed. For those of you visiting TK.BS from afar and need a little geography orientation, I live in Jersey City, which is just left of the Hudson River from NYC. I live downtown and can see the Statue of Liberty from my street, true story. Sooner lives just north of me in a rich Bergen County, NJ suburb. Queens is just on the other side of Manhattan from where Sooner lives. And Flying Fingers is allegedly just north of NYC (which means north even of the Bronx), and the yarn bus will take us there.

Since I have a digital camera and no image hosting right now, and Sooner has no digital camera but can host images, I have put many of my FOs in a webshots album and started one for Sooner. Soonikins has a tendency to give his knitted items away the second he finishes them, which is a problem for documenting, but I will do my best to capture them for everyone to see. He is a masterful knitter. He is feeling under the weather right now and asks that everyone tell Jane D. how much he loves her.

My FOs(updated).

Sooner's FOs(NEW!).

Monday, February 14, 2005

Cheap Yarn for Felting Recap

I posted the below to the knitlist today, but thought readers of TK.BS would appreciate the joys of a felting roundup. Be sure not to miss Sooner's recent post just below this one!

Happy V-Day Knitlisters!

You may remember me from such posts as “I am looking for cheap yarn for felting, etc…” or “I need an obscure baby doll pattern from the 1970s, etc…” Or you may be more familiar with my blogging partner and best knitting pal, Brian Blaho, the Boy Knitter of the Knitlist (our blog is

I must say the knitlist rocks hardcore. The two questions I have posed have been answered (and then some!) right away and I have learned about so many new resources.

I am the luckiest girl in the world, as for Valentine’s Day I got a set of Denise circulars and two YARNTAINERS. I have only just started using circs, but knowing that I would continue to knit for years and reading about how people wished they’d made the investment (and based on the website’s claim of a savings of up to $1,000 over the life of the knitter on needle purchases) a long time ago I thought it would be a prudent request for a present. Thanks to my marvelous DSO* and Noble Knits, the yarn store closest to her that managed to find a set in California and ship them in time for my magical Valentines Day weekend o’ romance & knitting.

One thing I find especially helpful, knitlist-wise, is when answers to a question are summarized for future reference. I often save these emails so that I have them at my disposal.

Below, please find the responses to my request for bargain basement yarn for felting, including both on-list and off-list correspondence. Thanks to everyone who contributed to making this list as wonderous as it is.

Especially big thanks to her Honor Holly from CT, another legal knitter.

Cheap Yarn for Felting Purposes

(Sorted based on popularity of response.)

1. I have gotten great bargains in all kinds of yarn at

2. brown sheep's lamb's pride

3. Patons merino wool (about 5.50 a skein)—sometimes goes on sale at LCS**s

4. lopi (about 3.00 a sk, but a much smaller one)

5. Lopi Lite
6. Gjestal Naturgarn No. 1

7. Cascade 220

8. (for Patons classic and others)

9. Classic Elite Waterspun
11. “My cheapest source of yarn is from thrift stores and garage sales. I check the labels on the sweaters and snap up anything that is 100% wool, then unravel it for projects. Since I felt it, the yarn being "curly" isn't a problem.”

I ended up doing research and bought six skeins from Lorien Yarns ( of Brown Sheep Lamb’s Pride Worsted. The owner was very helpful and had super speed turn-around. At 4.75 a skein it was by far the best price I found online. My next felted project is going to be the flower basket from VK*** Winter ’05 by the marvelous Nicky Epstein. Since it calls for a super chunky wool, upon consult with a felting expert I am going to triple-strand a worsted weight 100% wool from, but know that I will have to wash it a few more times than a normal felted bag experiment. Triple stranding super cheap wool will cost me about $40 for this bag, whereas the next cheapest chunky wool was over $68.

Okay, much love and happy knitting from the luckiest girl in the world,

Jersey City, NJ

*Darling Significant Other
**Local CRAFT Stores (like AC Moore and Treasure Island, etc…)
***Vogue Knitting

I ♥ Knitting Bitches Best

6 days til the yarn bus. I'm tingly, you bastards. Tingly.

Recall my recent correspondence with the knitlist.

Recall also Joan in Eugene.

There exist a number of sister yahoo groups to the knitlist. There is one for posting ads, one for knitting scarves, one for sock knitting. There also exists a group called knitflame! Knitflame is a place where people from the knitlist, which is moderated, go to flame the people on the knitlist in an unmoderated forum. They make noise about only allowing genuine debate and forbidding personal attacks, but these rules are toothless tigers. Knitflame is a miracle of bitchiness.

Everytime I post to the knitlist I identify myself as "the boy knitter from the knitlist." I have also explicitly identified myself as "an adult male." The following was posted to knitflame about me shortly after my above referenced knitlist post.

From: "Tricoteh"
Subject: speechless (not quite)

You know, it's rare that I comment on the knitlist (though I will
confess that the survey thing pushed me rather close to the edge,
and I'm thankful that it was stopped).

But I wish the Knitter Boy would just go away.

Far away.

And it's Clapotis, not The Clap, folks. Do y'all have your minds in
the gutter?


(surprisingly, not feeling much better after that)


From: "l_izg"
Subject: Re: speechless (not quite)

The Knitter Boy may be a knitter, but I really, really doubt it's a
boy (or at least not one under highschool or early college age). And
apparently the list is no longer moderated because someone posted
their answers to the survey. And it wasn't even from someone on this



From: "mamorel1"
Subject: knitter boy

Liz wrote "The Knitter Boy may be a knitter, but I really, really
doubt it's a boy (or at least not one under highschool or early
college age)."

Apparently the most obnoxious one is real, and a blogger.

Mary, in Arizona, who will never go looking for bloggers again.


From: Robin
Subject: Re: knitter boy

who will never go looking for bloggers again.

Amen. A very strange enchanted boy. No wait, that's a song. Just a hunch.
His posts will become more frequent and twice as smarmy.

Does Blaho rhyme with a'hole? Just supposin.



From: "l_izg"
Subject: Re: knitter boy

According to this profile, he's 31 which proves my point - he's male,
but not a boy (which I think of as a child).


and yes, I know it doesn't really matter how old this guy is, what
matters is how fast I can scroll past his message.


From: janeasc@a...
Subject: Re:Knitter Boy

Couldn't resist, so I checked out his blog. That is one crazy dude! I was
very relieved not to find my blog on his list.

Jane D.

So a couple of things. First, yes, if you mangle it a little, Blaho does rhyme with a'hole. Let me put that controversey to rest. The vowel sounds are the same, though the l at the end of hole is a significant rhyming problem.

Second, I cannot belive I have been so totally exposed! I mean, here I am hiding my age because I want people to think I'm a child so that I can show up at some kind of knit party and totally not be a child and then go, "HA! I totally fooled you, you stupid head! You thought I was a child, but I'm totally not! I'm a grown up! HA!" Now that can join "being an astronaut" and "making out with River Phoenix" on my pile of dreams that will never come true.

Third, can you even believe that Jane D. person? She is so self important that she thinks that of all the knitting blogs in the entire blogosphere I may have sought out hers, and fallen so head over heels in love with it that I had to link to it forthwith, and then she expresses her extreme relief that* links her not! Whew! Jane D. totally dodged a bullet on that one I can tell you.

Or did she?

My blogging partner, Bevin, totally tracked down Jane D.'s blog. Here it is at Quiddity. Wowee! What a blogger! What a knitter! What a blogger-knitter! And you know what? She is the greatest knitter-blogger in the history of the world. She totally is and I am hereby declaring Jane D. officially the most favoritest blog of all blogs here at TK.BS*.

So leave Jane D. a note or a comment. Be sure to tell her that Sooner sent ya.

Lastly, it is now my official goal to become a star on knitflame. A total flamey star. This will, of course, require antics.


Sunday, February 13, 2005

Knitty Gritty & Crocheting

I have a new FO*. It is a Coffee Cup Cuddly thing. I'll post a picture soon. I made it for my mom's girlfriend Pat's birthday (along with a starbucks gift card and some sort of stamp collector thingy). More details below.

Knitty Gritty is a show on DIY that stars Vickie Howell, someone Sooner does not like but that I am drawn to because she has red hair that flips like mine. She begins each episode by introducing her "knitsters", a group of changing people who knit while the project is being explained. There is one episode where she gives googly eyes to one of them (a girl musician on the guitar strap episode). Anyway, then they go into the project, showing techniques blah blah blah using a knitty cam where it zooms in on their hands from above so you can see how they make marvelous things happen. There are also various knit bits that are sometimes magical (bamboo and soy can make yarn!) or sometimes useless (let's watch vickie put a ball of yarn in a tupperware container and cut a hole in the top!). The show overall is lameish, but there are always diamonds in the rough. I learn one quality thing during every episode.

Anyway, the pattern for the coffee cup holder calls for a single crochet border. As Sooner and I consider crochet an inferior fiber art (TM), but have recently begun to be swayed the other way, I haven't yet learned how to do a single crochet blah blah thingy. So I tried using the "chrocheting for knitters" guide in Stitch N Bitch. The illustrations and explanations didn't really help for using crochet to border something previously woven.

I was going to call Dewey in as a last resort and save my project until after my next trip to Philadelphia (where Dewey the crochetrix lives) or after my next trip to Flying Fingers Yarn Shoppe. However, there was an explanation in one of the episodes of Knitty Gritty that I had cached on my DVR. And I was completely saved. In the guitar strap episode Vickie totally uses the knitty cam to do a single crochet border. I watched it, rewinding a couple of times, and came away a crocheter. Amazing.

The coffee cup holder was my first episode with DPNs** and it was mega weird. I will probably try to do all circular projects on circular needles where possible. I also did some striping and fair isle on it, so that might be where it got sort of funny. I also had to do some major math, as I used worsted weight yarn and bigger needles (by the way, on size 5 needles with ww yarn I suggest casting on 40 stitches and doing a couple less rounds).

I hope Pat likes it!

*Finished Object
**Double Pointed Needles (method of knitting using three needles in a round so that you make a tube)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Our Solemn Pledge

Last night before Sooner and I had our knitting Hang, I was at my house searching for my baggie of knitting supplies. It has scissors, a crochet hook, stitch markers, whathaveyou. I couldn't find it. I can't decide if that is because Haywood is moving in and my apartment is even more disasterous than usual or if it is because I have so many UFOs* going on.

Sooner and I pledged that prior to beginning any other knitting projects, we will create two FOs**. This will be hard, for sure, because Sooner and I are not very attention span oriented people.

Plus, while waiting around for my boss to talk to me yesterday, I made a list of my future projects, and they numbered over 15. I have a lot of knitting to do.

*Unfinished Objects
**Finished Objects

In other news, I was denied entrance into the Christian Knitters Society. Please see below correspondence to explicate this travesty.

I applied for membership last Friday. I received this comment on our blog.

HI... As soon as you put the code for the ring on your site you will be added to the ring. :-)Glad to have you join us.Debbie <><>

I let Debbie know that we had ringed up, I even dedicated an entry unto her. I received the following email.

Hi.. The code needs to be in your side bar so it is a permanent fixture not in a post.I am not sure about your site yet as you seem to be making fun of Jesus."Jesus said men should knit."????"Jesus so loved the sheep"????

Dear Christian Knitters:

As you know I do all my knitting for Jesus and in his name. However, my blogging partner, Sooner, is without God. He is dynamic and persuasive and charming so it is my belief that once he finally accepts Jesus into his heart as his personal Lord and Savior he will be a dynamic force for the Lord and save many souls. I am trying every day to be a conduit through which the Lord may speak unto him, and so far my prayers remain unanswered. Your prayers would beappreciated.

I initially put the ring on the sidebar but Sooner insisted that I take it down. The compromise we reached was that I put it in an entry. I would like to proclaim Totally Knitting (TM) as a placewhere we explore WWJK* in a positive environment. It is my hope to soon intarsia a dog sweater with the visage of the Lamb so that wherever my precious Shih Tzu, Macy, wears it, she passes on the Good News. Please consider our membership.

I do not believe that I am making fun of Jesus, instead, simply, having fun WITH JESUS. Isn't that the point? Wasn't He a fun-loving guy?

With sincerest wishes that you see fit to let us into your ilk,

*What Would Jesus Knit


I agree that we can have fun. I just needed to know more about you. I want this to be a ministry as well as blogging fun. If the code is not in the sidebar, people will not be able to surffrom site to site which is what a ring is for. As a post, it will soon get archived and the links are broken. You can put just the Next and previous parts of the ring of the codewith the words "Christian Knitters ring". If you want to just join our google group, you can. code needed...I can pray.



Before I even had a chance to appeal to her, I received the following email.

After much thought and concern for other ring members, I am denyingyou membership into the ring. The foul language written by youco-blogger is not conducive to the purpose of our ring.I am sorry and hope he comes to the Lord.


Debbie <><>

I was understandably outraged, so I sent the following to Sooner, trying to be as Christian as I could be under the circumstances.


It seems as though you have JUST COST US MEMBERSHIP into the ChristianKnitters Ring.



Do you intend to file a motion for reconsideration with Debbie? "What if I can control him? What if I get him to use *$&%&^^ instead of bullshit? What if in the future Sooner comes to the Lord and becomes a dynamic force for changing souls? Then can we be member number 17?"


I am unsure what my next steps should be and I await some sort of divine inspiration to direct me.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Our Favorite LYS* Explained

Recall that Flying Fingers Yarn Shop is totally the official LYS* of TK.BS**. This is archived correspondence helping to explain why.

Dear Elise or Kevin or both,

(If you are a webmaster and not Elise or Kevin or both, please immediately forward to Elise or Kevin or both as I would like a personalized response only.)

By way of introduction my name is Brian Blaho and I am totally a boy knitter and you may recognize me as the official boy-knitter from the knit-list. I am writing not only on my behalf, but also on behalf of my best knitting friend Bevin, who is totally fabulous and also a lawyer-knitter. She has begun to make many lawyer/judge-knitting contacts and I believe her knitting passion will totally lead to a great deal of wealth and prestige as she networks up the power knitting ladder.

We both live in the area and saw your ad in the latest and very hot edition of Bust. Thank you for supporting alterna-media.

I have two questions, Elise or Kevin or both. First, Bevin and I are considering branching out into the marvelous world of felting. Because we are begina-felters we are concerned about investing too much money in an endeavor that may fail, however remote that possibility. Also we totally love bags and want many of them, especially the felted kind, but none with hearts or stars or stripes or that kind of cutsey bullshit. We want to make felted bags with alien heads and skulls with crossbones. You understand. So my question for you, Elise or Kevin or both, is this: do you carry a relatively inexpensive yarn in multiple colors that you would recommend for felting purposes? We both totally hope you do.

Seond, because we believe in being prepared and also because we have not yet been to Flying Fingers we would like to know if your shop is a place for browsing and shopping only, or do you have a communal knitting area with sofas and soft chairs and the like that we may use to work on projects and chat with other knitters.

Finally we would like to know if you discriminate against crochet-people just because they practice an inferior fiber art. As you know, crochet is merely the art of making a giant knot that lays flat. Those freaks may as well be sailors for their knot making ability, but we do not believe they should be discriminated against because they are trying to make something beautiful even if they are destined to fail.

Please get back to me ASAP as Bevin and I would totally like to plan our trip to Flying Fingers for some time in the near future.

Your Pal,
The Boy Knitter of the Knitlist,


Hi, Boy Knitter Brian,

I am Kevin, Man Crocheter of the Flying Fingers Yarn Shop. I also knit, but I am much better known for making flat knots than making flat mesh, though I like to think both are often beautiful.

I tend to stay away from the hearts and stars bullshit and also from the skulls and bones bullshit. We have many yarns that felt beautifully. In fact, I have taught a finger-crochet felted hat workshop where everyone left with a workable hat to go home and felt. We have Brown Sheep Lamb's Pride Worsted which is one of the world's best felting yarns in about 50 colors. We also have a 50% soy, 50% wool (though in tragically limited supply) Gianna from South West Trading Co. that makes outrageous felts. You have to get up here to see!

Felting is actually really easy, though always a bit of a crap shoot. Elise has probably hand felted more knit wear than any living person, since she's sold her own hand-knitted felted hat designs for the last fifteen years at craft shows in the city. We have space to sit and hang, by the way, including two red cozy tea sofas Elise found at a garage sale and refinished in bright red.

We're 150 yds from the Irvington train station or we can pick you up on the Yarn Bus. Check the web site for details or give us a call.

- Kevin or Elise or both


Dear Kevin of the Crochet,

I have decided that based on the tone of your reply the Flying Fingers Yarn Shop will definitely become my official LYS*. This is despite the fact that you are not into skull and crossbones bullshit. I'm finishing up some projects currently in progress, but I'll visit Flying Fingers, my official LYS, as soon as I need to pick up new supplies. Perhaps I will sign up for a crochet class? Who can say for certain as I'm still dubious.

Delighted to make your acquaintence,

* Local Yarn Shop


Dear Kevin or Elise or both or Agent of Kevin or Elise or Both,

I would like to book two vcuchers for the yarn bus.

Both passengers need to use the Union Square stop.

Please book us on any Sunday morning beginning February 20 until you can get us two confirmed vouchers. We prefer the latest drop off, but any drop off is acceptable.


The Boy Knitter of the Knitlist


We have you both booked on Sun. Feb. 20th 10:00am, returning on the 4:00pm shuttle. You'll get your e-vouchers a couple of days before hand.

We also just had a couple of spaces open up on this Sat. 1:30pm, Jan. 22, if you're interested.

Thanks. Looking forward to meeting you!


Dear Kevin,

Ok, I am totally not trying to be a pain or anything. However, I made this yarn bus request two days ago but then yesterday my friend Bevin and I discovered the registration for your crochet workshop on Feb 27, 2005. So we instantly mailed in our registration forms and are hoping that we will be able to secure two seats in your course.

But, and here is the part where you roll your eyes, the crochet course is one week after our requested yarn bus date. Will it be possible to change our yarn bus reservation to coincide with your crochet course if we get in? And, follow me here, not change our yarn bus reservation if we do not get into your crochet course?

That is to say we'd like you to not only teach us to crochet for free (plus cost of supplies) but also to truck our asses out to Irvington for free at the same time. I trust that if anyone can make this happen it is you, Kevin Crochet, the knot-maker we look up to most.

Thanks for being accomidating if in fact you are able to be accomidating. If not, then as Fonzie might say "sit on it!" Flying Fingers is still my favorite LYS* and my LYS of choice.


* Local Yarn Store


Not painful at all, but I cannot accommodate you either. My crochet workshops fill up in a few days after the brochure goes out, so it's all filled up. I can put you on the waiting list so you are sure to get in for the next session (sometime in April). They are not really all that special, but popular (and fun), none the less. Like I say in the brochure, "go figure". So, since you did explain yourself quite clearly, I have left your reservations intact for Feb 20th.

- Kevin


Dear Kevin,


Brian the OBKOTKL*

*Official Boy Knitter of the Knit List

I'm totally looking forard to yarn shenanigans IRL***.

* Local Yarn Shoppe
*** In Real Life

Monday, February 07, 2005

Sooner played hooky from work because of yarn

Last Wednesday I was experimenting with a different way home from work (in North Jersey) that ended up winding me through Newark right by Sooner's law library. I needed to make a 4 PM appt in my New York City office, but could completely have a lunch date with Soonikins. We decided that instead of having a date where we ate out, he would sneak out of the library and come with me to Jersey City where we would have left overs for lunch and USE OUR LUNCH MONEY TO BUY YARN.

He came with me to the closing, sat in my office and admired the view from the 46th floor of the Empire State Building, making copies of the patterns he liked out of my copy of Stitch n Bitch Nation. I sat in the conference room with the most annoying clients in the history of the world.

I was done by 4:45, though, and we set off to the LYS* on Madison Ave and 36th Street, The Yarn Connection. I was somewhat unimpressed, since we weren't greeted and it was small and sort of smelly--both owners were totally involved in helping an older lady decide what yarns to buy. There also really wasn't a place to sit.

The yarn selection was good in that there were many different yarns, but bad in that there wasn't really a quantity of good colors available. I ended up buying something, since it was no sales tax week in NYC (8 1/2% savings) and I found the very perfect yarn for making skull & crossbones wristbands for Haywood for valentine's day. It is a lovely and soft cashmere/merino blend, one skein each red and black. I couldn't get 100% cashmere as I'd wanted because it was $98 a skein and I love my GF but I don't love $200 worth of wristbands.

Sooner showed complete yarn buying restraint.

We then took the train down to Knit New York and met Peter, a barista, who does not know how to knit. I said "Greetings Fellow Knitster" and he disclosed this information, despite the stockinette stich logo on his chest. Sooner and I suggested he might flirt with the lady knitsters and get them to knit things for him.

Sooner, again, bought no yarn and simply read knitting books while I worked on my felted bag and fell in love with a couple of designs from Family Circle's Easy Afghans. A future purchase, to be sure.

He got invited to "Boyz" night at Knit New York again. We have decided that when he goes I will go in drag. And work on my ruffles.

This one is for ><>Deb<><

Dear Deb:

Here is the ring html you asked for:

Jesus said that you are supposed to get other men to knit. Or something along those lines, I saw it on the side of a van today.

Friday, February 04, 2005


Sooner has been on a total yarn diet, which is completely admirable. When we first started knitting, he would buy yarn "just to have" and I would go only for projects and return that which I did not use. Now it's the opposite. I find the yarn, I see the potential... and, unfortunately, I was in the NJ office all day on Monday which meant entirely too much time on Ebay, with a side dish of buyer's remorse happening 4 days later.

So I bought this pile of snowflake yarn from someone. One skein highlighter yellow, two skeins fleece blue and one skein black. I see no potential in this yarn, but I won it for such a STEAL... I got it today and it smells like the '70s. I totally bought attic yarn, which I should have expected, but still... If anyone has any suggestions either for the use of said snowflake yarn or how to rid it of attic smell in a clever, kitty proof way, please let me know.

I won an auction from LADYOFYRE today!! That Lot of Yarn Brushed Colors-C My Other Auctions is all mine for $3.25. Shipping has yet to be determined, but I've decided that we have no contract for shipping costs, so I will make her use my corporate Fed Ex account and she'll have to COD. I wonder if she'll argue it? I do have a plan for all of my Ladyofyre bids... as my good friends Erica and Amy are getting hitched in May and I am going to make them a wedding sampler afghan. I've already decided the border is going to be the numerals in Pi as long as I can go to border the blanket (Amy gave Erica a Pi numerals ring for an anniversary). I think I may even intarsia the image of Beaner, Amy's black and white cat.

And Jesus So Loved the World HE Created Sheep

Hello to you!! Well, we here at Totally Knitting are looking forward to the inspection and approval from the ringmaster for the Christian Knitters Community. In the meantime, I am greatly enjoying reading the various blogs that are members of the group. Here is a survey graciously provided by our Christian Sister at Knit Haven. Praise the Lord.

1. Are you a yarn snob (do you prefer high- and/natural fibers)? Do you avoid Red Heart and Lion Brand? Or is it all the same to you?

Sooner and I are both acrylic-core. I do love cashmere, though. But, as a rule, I try to keep knitting costs down as much as possible. Plus, machine washer and dryer safe, HELLO!! ;)

2. Do you spin? Crochet?

We both feel that the creation of flat knots is an inferior fiber art, but have recently begun to rethink our position, due to the influence of Dewey, the crocheter/crosssticher member of the Granny Girl Squad. Also, Kevin, the Man Crocheter of Flying Fingers Yarn Shop.

I heart sheep but do not spin. My landlord is very forgiving, but not forgiving enough to allow me to raise sheep in the front yard.

3. Do you have any allergies? (smoke, pets, fibers, perfume, etc.)

Just to people who do not accept Jesus Christ as their Personal Lord and Saviour.

4. How long have you been knitting?

I knitted last summer and back when I was 10, but I picked it up in November, shortly after Sooner did.

5. Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list?

Naturally, and many knitting books reside thereon.

6. What's your favorite scent? (for candles, bath products etc.)

New Jersey

7. Do you have a sweet tooth?

Yes, and I remind Sooner herein that we were meaning to sample hershey's kisses with caramel recently.

8. What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do?

Cook. Clean. Barefoot in the Kitchen Activities. Also, paper mache costumery.

9. What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3s? (if your buddy wants to make you a CD)

I usually listen to Classic Country Duets and I also enjoy NPR, specifically Fresh Air. Sooner enjoys the above, but also listens to Air America more than I do, which makes him a better person. What's an MP3?

10. What's your favorite color? Or--do you have a color family/season/palette you prefer?

Glitter. Sooner hearts red, blue, yellow and green. Those are "his colors". Not to be confused with "His colors", which are the rainbow--ALL colors.

11. What is your family situation? Do you have any pets?

Sooner: Victoria, Albert
Bevin: Haywood, Macy, Leroy, Kaia, Lily, Pepe

12. What are your life dreams? (really stretching it here, I know)

Unlike Knitting Haven, I can't see Avon being my full-time gig just yet. I hope to go to library school in the fall to become an information professional. Right now I'm just a real estate lawyer. I'd love to go into sales, though.

Sooner and I have talked about opening a yarn store/coffee shop/law office/doggie day care in Jersey City. Maybe if we can get the capital together...

13. What is/are your favorite yarn/s to knit with?

Cashmerino. Sooner enjoys TLC Simply Soft

14. What fibers do you absolutely *not* like?

100% wool. Small price to pay for felted bags, though.

15. What is/are your current knitting obsession/s?

Dog or Jesus Intarsia. Sooner: Afghans, cabling, whathaveyou

16. What is/are your favorite item/s to knit?

Dog sweaters, they are fast and cute.

17. What are you knitting right now?

See below post for what I have OTN. Sooner should also do such a post.

18. What do you think about ponchos?

Too many people knit them and they don't look good on anyone.

19. Do you prefer straight or circular needles?

No preference

20. Bamboo, aluminum, plastic?


21. Are you a sock knitter?

February is the sock along.

22. How did you learn to knit?

A book

23. How old is your oldest UFO?

5 weeks. Cow Pillow.

24. What is your favorite animated character or a favorite animal/bird?

Strong Bad.

25. What is your favorite holiday?

Jesus' Birthday and my birthday.

26. Is there anything that you collect?
Marilyn Monroe purses, crosses, and other christians to knit with! ;)

Armchair Shrink

My colleague recently had occasion to look over TK.BS* and was fascinated with the ongoing correspondence between Bevin and I and Joan in Eugene. She has offered a theory regarding Joan's psyche that I feel is particularly insightful so I share it with you now.

Initially I believed Joan was merely a woman who needed to have the final word. As you know in any scripted program the "winner" of a confrontation ends the encounter with a zinger so profound that the "loser" of the confrontation is shocked into stunned silence. Many people believe this should happen in real life. I thought Joan in Eugene to be one of those people. Therefore I suggested to Bevin, and she agreed, that we should leave Joan in Eugene alone, at least for a little while.

However, after stewing over it for a lunch hour or so my colleague said to me, "you know I think her initial tone was taken only because she believed you to be a teen and it was intended as a rebuff from adult to child. As soon as she found out you were 'all man' she got defensive and that's why she's being so very Joan in Eugene."

Brilliant and clearly accurate.


Thursday, February 03, 2005

She completely hates the player most

Recall Brian's earlier correspondence with our fair Joan of Eugene, OR.

He received the following reply from Joan:

Sooner to me: I think she already hates the game and has totally moved on to players.

Joan to Sooner, quoting his email:

I am, as you know, just a boy.

Yeah, sure. Of course you are!

As you may notice, Joan completely listed a link to Sooner's profile here on blogspot. We think she must have googled him. I mean, it's the only way she could have found Sooner's profile, since on the knitlist he goes by his Jesus-given name.

It is unclear from that email whether Joan was referring to Sooner's lack of "youth" or potentially calling into question his gender. I decided to clear up some of the confusion by sending her my own email.

Dearest Joan from Oregon:

I am Bevin, from the knitlist. You might remember me from such postings as "Does anyone have a baby doll pattern etc..." and "I wantto make many felted bags but not pay a lot of money for wool etc...".You may also have read my totally happening knitting blog,

I am Brian's (aka "The Boy Knitter of the Knitlist") blogging partnerand best knitting pal and partner in crime and whatnot. I spend a great deal of time with Brian and, let me assure you, he is all man.

I hope this clears up any confusion you might have had about the BoyKnitter of the Knitlist.


Jersey City, NJ

P.S. OTN* Ruffles, from Scarf Style, in light blue cashmerino; 3 heads of totally bumpin' Alien Illusion scarf from SnB** vol. 1 in green andblack acrylic mill ends; my constant companion felted bag in lamb'spride worsted red & black from; Skull wristbands in pink and olive fingering weight merino; Cabled Chihuahua sweater pattern of my own design in Lion Brand thick and quick Wheat.

*On the Needles
**Stich n Bitch

It is unclear whether Joan responds to everyone on the knitlist with a sense of humor. I was delighted to receive the following reply from Joan less than 3 hours later. (Again, she quotes my correspondence unto her.)

You might remember me from such
postings as "Does anyone have a baby doll pattern etc..." and "I want
to make many felted bags but not pay a lot of money for wool etc...".

Yeah, that totally really rings a bell...........(snort)

You may also have read my totally happening knitting blog,

Sorry, I haven't spent much time checking out blogs. I have an older computer and a dial-up connection so downloading takes lots of time. When I can retire in a few years, then there might be time.

............. let me assure you, he is all man.

That was my point.

I hope this clears up any confusion you might have had about the Boy Knitter of the Knitlist.

I had no confusion. It was the pretense to being a teenager that annoyedme. Why the sham?
One can be a knitter, and a funny one at that, withoutthe cloyness. It's obvious that you have/he has writing talent. Turn it togood use and you'll have way more listers fawning over you than with thecutsie pie stuff. Unless your goal was to turn 'em off.


Jersey City, NJ

Likewise, I'm sure
-JoanEugene, OR

I would just like to point out that Brian got OVER 45 responses to his sock question. OVER 45 in 2 days, and all but a very few mentioned how much they enjoyed his post. HELLO! Earth to Curmudgeons, Joan may be your spokesperson but there is definitely a sock-making cutsie pie loving subculture on the knitlist. Welcome friends.

More about the dog breed intarsia

After I received word back that I could get a chihuahua chart for $6 and a shih tzu face chart for $3.50 I emailed Haywood, asking if I made a sweater with the visage of a chihuahua would she wear it.

"bevin:we've been dating for 2 years now. i think you should know the answer to this question. if you don't know the answer, it makes me a little bit sad. regardless, just in case you don't know the couldn't pay me enough money to wear a knitted sweater with a dog pattern on it!!!!!!!!!i mean i love my dogs.......and sometimes i'm crazy about them........but i will NEVER get to the point where i'm capable of wearing a knitted sweater with their faces on it...........there's just something wrong with that...........-haywood"

My sweet, dearest darling SO*, Haywood:
I really think you need to give this dog sweater thing a shot. Honestly, you own approximately 50 mechanics shirts. Many of which have very interesting and punk rock designs, including but not limited to much bowling paraphanalia. What I'm saying is that you wear bowling things as kitsch. What should stop you from wearing a SHIH TZU/CHIHUAHUA intarsia cardigan as kitsch? Both mechanics shirts and cardigans have buttons and pockets, it's just that the cardigan pockets ride a little lower. And are way more comfy/cuddly. I urge you to give this a real shot and not dismiss it right away. Dog sweaters are not just for Nanas anymore.
With much love and admiration for your style,
*Significant Other

Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Game

Recall my recent correspondence with the knitlist.

Last night I received the following in my inbox.

Too bad that your considerable physical "prowess" doesn't extend to cerebral. Think of it as a story problem in math. If 56 sts = 8" sock, how many sts = 10" or whatever girth your feet measure? Then bump the other #s of sts by the same percentage when it comes time to shape the heel. The length can bedone by measurement.

I understand that there is a good, basic book by Ann Budd/Interweave Press that details all kinds of basic knitting patts for sweaters, socks, etc, so that you can find your gauge and measurements on a gridded chart to get specific #s of sts. I don't know the exact title, but if you check Amazon or google for her name, you can probably find it.

Joan in Eugene, OR

PS - In the future you're much more likely to get good, helpful info if you drop the "cutsie-pie" stuff.


Dear Joan in Eugene,

Thank you for the thoughtful and detailed reply to my request for help despite my request being all cutsie-pie and whatnot. I suppose I just didn't yet understand the actual construction of socks and now that you have given me a more cerebral grasp of them I'm sure I can tackle any problems that arise. I'm made all the more confident as I am now armed with the your advice and a slide rule.

I pledge unto you, Joan in Eugene, that from this point forward I will make every attempt to be dour and curmudgeonly about knitting as is only right even though this is directly contrary to my personality. Knitting is not fun; it's totally serious. Like work or disease or war. Please be patient with me if I post to the KL* again in the near future as I will be struggling with the new knitting paradigm you have provided and I may slip. I am, as you know, just a boy.

Thank you again for your help. I will post photos of my finished socks as soon as they are done. Tonight I cast on my very first, very serious project on double pointed needles. I'm a little nervous about all those needles at once, but I know I can do it. Wish me luck, Joan in Eugene!

Completely Somber in New Jersey,


P.S. My local library had a copy of the Ann Budd book you recommended, The Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns, and it is very detailed and helpful. If I get addicted to sock knitting, as I expect I may, I'll undoubtedly have to buy my own copy. Thank you for the suggestion.


Dog Breed Intarsia

I found this page on the internet and I was astounded. Could I possibly knit something so wonderful as my darling Poo Pie's visage on a sweater or other knitted creation? (Tote bag? Ipod cozy?) Dare I dream that big? Much to my disappointment, I found that the website was totally big breed centric. Hello!! People with dogs that big are too busy picking up enormous poops to intarsia something that magical. I wrote the following email in the spirit of Sooner's knitting communiques:

Oh Brenda!!

I was at to make a totally happening and trendy Shih Tzu sweater for mymother.

As you do not yet know, but are about to, I have a shih tzunamed Macy. She is 5 months old and my mom is completely enamored byMacy. I would love to make her either a sweater, a totebag or both. Currently I have made mom and Macy a matching set of scarf (for mom)and sweater (for Macy) so that when mom visits Macy they match. I think she would love these accessories for the time that they are apart and she can brag about her granddog Macy.

Also, I have a chihuahua named Leroy. He is very cute but my mom doesn't love him like Macy so I would likely only use a chihuauha pattern for myself. I am open to intarsia charts/patterns for both breeds. Attachedyou'll find a cute picture of both Macy, Leroy, myself and my S.O.* If you need to see the breeds to know what I'm talking about. Additionally, there are more pics I have if you need body shots orwhathaveyou.


Jersey City, NJ
*Significant Other

She replied that she only makes 1-2 patterns per year. My hopes are low. However, I did find this page that promises a potential chart from your pictures of your pups. I am thinking of perhaps commissioning an intarsia chart of Leroy and Macy looking out a window.

If you have sound on your computer, do turn it up. There's a midi file.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Recent Correspondence

Subject: The Boy Knitter From the Knitlist Wants to Make a Pair of Socks

Oh Sage Wise Knitlisters,

I have decided that I will try making myself a pair of socks. I bought some Lion Brand Magic Stripes and DPN* in the appropriate size. As you will recall I'm just a boy and I know little of such things. This is why I come to you for help.

The pattern on the skein says it is for adult medium socks. Being an adult male of some considerible sexual prowess, I believe my feet are more appropriately labled as adult large or, dare I say it, adult extra large. I swear it. Those size descriptions—even though I'm using them to describe myself--are 100% hyperbole free. Hand on the Bible.

Anyway, this means that if I make the socks as the pattern dictates they will likely be far too small and even if I manage to cram my foot into one of them the experience will likely be totally uncomfortable. Totally.

So what say you knitlisters? Can the Boy Knitter from the Knitlist get a little love by way of either suggestions on adjusting the published pattern or locations for a pattern (free or not) calling for sport weight yarn and sized appropriately for a boy of my considerable, um, proportions?

As for my totally kickin' Alien Illusion Scarf that rolls like a scroll and was inadvertantly made from acrylic yarn, I was wearing it and a friend loved it so much that I took it off my neck and gave it to her on the spot. I have begun a second even more radically hoppin' Alien Illusion Scarf, but as was recently brought to my attention there exists glow in the dark yarn and so I can see a third totally spittin' Alien Illusion Scarf even beyond the second Radically Rockin' Alien Illusion Scarf currently OTN**.

[Sooner McSoonersonville], the Boy Knitter of the Knitlist

*DPN - Double Pointed Needles
**OTN - On The Needles


Subject: Today's Knitlist Post

cc the listmoms



Please no comments on sexual exploits/prowess/whatever!

Mary, listmom of the week


Subject: Re: Today's Knitlist Post

Dear Mary,

My post wasn't actually about sex. I'm sorry if that was unclear. However a big part of my problem was the fact that I have gigantic...feet. I will be clearer about the nature of my problems in the future.

Also while I totally get the gist of your email, what does "TMI" stand for? When using acronyms the reader may be unfamilliar with it may be useful to include a footnote explaining the acronymn. See my earlier completely unsexual post for an example of the way I do it, though any method you employ for this task is fine. Just like knitting there are many ways to footnote and all of them are valid as long as you are happy with the finished product.

I'm learning so much from the knitlist and I thank you and the other listmoms for your hard work in regard to keeping this place up and running and on topic.

[Sooner McSoonersonville]

Knitting Charts & My Overuse of Caps

At our recent meeting of the GGS*, BALLAD OF YOKO decided that February was going to be SOCKALONG month. Currently there is email discussion amongst Sooner, Yoko, Peth & I about which sock pattern to try. I encourage any and all readers of our Totally Rockin' Knitting Blog to SOCKALONG with us.

Here are some sock resources, provided by Sooner, a POWER LIBRARIAN.

*Granny Girl Squad

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Totally Testing Again

This is my test post to compliment and enhance Bevin's test post.