Monday, February 14, 2005

I ♥ Knitting Bitches Best

6 days til the yarn bus. I'm tingly, you bastards. Tingly.




Recall my recent correspondence with the knitlist.

Recall also Joan in Eugene.

There exist a number of sister yahoo groups to the knitlist. There is one for posting ads, one for knitting scarves, one for sock knitting. There also exists a group called knitflame! Knitflame is a place where people from the knitlist, which is moderated, go to flame the people on the knitlist in an unmoderated forum. They make noise about only allowing genuine debate and forbidding personal attacks, but these rules are toothless tigers. Knitflame is a miracle of bitchiness.

Everytime I post to the knitlist I identify myself as "the boy knitter from the knitlist." I have also explicitly identified myself as "an adult male." The following was posted to knitflame about me shortly after my above referenced knitlist post.

From: "Tricoteh"
Subject: speechless (not quite)

You know, it's rare that I comment on the knitlist (though I will
confess that the survey thing pushed me rather close to the edge,
and I'm thankful that it was stopped).

But I wish the Knitter Boy would just go away.

Far away.

And it's Clapotis, not The Clap, folks. Do y'all have your minds in
the gutter?

Sheesh.

regards,
katherine
(surprisingly, not feeling much better after that)

~~~~~~

From: "l_izg"
Subject: Re: speechless (not quite)

The Knitter Boy may be a knitter, but I really, really doubt it's a
boy (or at least not one under highschool or early college age). And
apparently the list is no longer moderated because someone posted
their answers to the survey. And it wasn't even from someone on this
list.

Liz

~~~~~~

From: "mamorel1"
Subject: knitter boy

Liz wrote "The Knitter Boy may be a knitter, but I really, really
doubt it's a boy (or at least not one under highschool or early
college age)."

Apparently the most obnoxious one is real, and a blogger.


http://www.blogger.com/profile/2955310

Mary, in Arizona, who will never go looking for bloggers again.

~~~~~~

From: Robin
Subject: Re: knitter boy

who will never go looking for bloggers again.

Amen. A very strange enchanted boy. No wait, that's a song. Just a hunch.
His posts will become more frequent and twice as smarmy.

Does Blaho rhyme with a'hole? Just supposin.

Robin

~~~~~~

From: "l_izg"
Subject: Re: knitter boy

According to this profile, he's 31 which proves my point - he's male,
but not a boy (which I think of as a child).

Liz

and yes, I know it doesn't really matter how old this guy is, what
matters is how fast I can scroll past his message.

~~~~~~

From: janeasc@a...
Subject: Re:Knitter Boy

Couldn't resist, so I checked out his blog. That is one crazy dude! I was
very relieved not to find my blog on his list.

Jane D.


So a couple of things. First, yes, if you mangle it a little, Blaho does rhyme with a'hole. Let me put that controversey to rest. The vowel sounds are the same, though the l at the end of hole is a significant rhyming problem.

Second, I cannot belive I have been so totally exposed! I mean, here I am hiding my age because I want people to think I'm a child so that I can show up at some kind of knit party and totally not be a child and then go, "HA! I totally fooled you, you stupid head! You thought I was a child, but I'm totally not! I'm a grown up! HA!" Now that can join "being an astronaut" and "making out with River Phoenix" on my pile of dreams that will never come true.

Third, can you even believe that Jane D. person? She is so self important that she thinks that of all the knitting blogs in the entire blogosphere I may have sought out hers, and fallen so head over heels in love with it that I had to link to it forthwith, and then she expresses her extreme relief that tk.bs* links her not! Whew! Jane D. totally dodged a bullet on that one I can tell you.

Or did she?

My blogging partner, Bevin, totally tracked down Jane D.'s blog. Here it is at Quiddity. Wowee! What a blogger! What a knitter! What a blogger-knitter! And you know what? She is the greatest knitter-blogger in the history of the world. She totally is and I am hereby declaring Jane D. officially the most favoritest blog of all blogs here at TK.BS*.

So leave Jane D. a note or a comment. Be sure to tell her that Sooner sent ya.

Lastly, it is now my official goal to become a star on knitflame. A total flamey star. This will, of course, require antics.

*totallyknitting.blogspot.com

17 comments:

Shasta said...

bring on the antics!

Bevin said...

My favorite part of KNITFLAME is that the people posting to knitflame read all of the knitlist posts (over 100 per day) and all of the knitflame posts, which are also numerous. And then comment.

How much time is left for knitting?

yoko said...

Snarky knitters, man. I can't get over how these women are so put-upon that you seemingly pulled the wool over their eyes (literally!). I agree with Shasta-- antics are definitely in order here.

ratty said...

i am awaiting antics with bated breath.

Anonymous said...

Bevin,
My question is.......
if these people are reading over 100 knitlist posts and numerous knitflame posts per day and then commenting on what they read, HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT FOR DOING ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE let alone knitting.

I think it's even funnier that you guys torture them. It's good reading and makes for a fun break at work. So thanks!

Your DSO*,
Haywood

*Darling Significant Other

Jane said...

Hi Sooner!

lucia said...

>>How much time is left for knitting?

Due to the stupendous ability to skim, lots of time is left for knitting. If you don't believe it, visit my blog ( http://www.thedietdiary.com/blog ) and notice the number of items knit!

Admittedly, some knitters get more done. :)

Zanti said...

A couple things:
1) You totally need to add Jane D.'s button.
2) I hope you noticed that Jane D. is "straight but not narrow."
3) Maybe some people are humor impaired.
4) Maybe some people need therapy.
5) I am the only one who does not knit.

Crystal G. said...

Ha!!! You'll have to work hard to become more famous on KnitFlame than I am.

I am the girl who carried her dog around in a bag (Sherpa) when flying or when taking him into stores with me for shopping. And only stores that okayed it at that. Yet, I'm the devil because I take my dog to work with me and provide him with constant care as he provides me with companionship.

Things got a little more heated when they suggested I was a terrible person for taking my dog with me as there *might* be someone who is allergic to him along the way. Eventually I told them that their *defects* didn't effect me or my dog.

After that, I was done with them. But I do have information, from a credible source, that they still mention me and my dog regularly or make reference to dogs in bags.

I live on in infamy. If nothing else, at least I know I got to them. However, I have said before and will admit again, I may have gone a little far in calling them defective people just because they have allergies. It is not what I truly believe though it did serve its purpose (pissing them off).

robin said...

you guys are so fucking cool! and just for the record, i am not the 'Robin' who flames.

rock on, guys!

Anonymous said...

knitchick, I happen to know you ARE the flaming robin.

Chris said...

Knitflame is a riot! A very cliquey group where the regulars discourage new posters. Where flame=excess profanity and being as rude as possible. Boring! And don't even try and criticise a regular! I used to get a great laugh out of the posts from she who doesn't use capitals. Why is that so many knitters are ignorant snobs? At least KnitFlame keeps them off the streets.

President, Boy Knitter Fan Club said...

I'm not sold on knitflame because there is no actual discussion of knitting. And way too many "me too" posts.

Vis a vis stirring up some KL trouble, I challenge you to post something along the lines of

"I just learned to knit Continental, and anyone who knits the other way is stupid."

The way one holds the yarn when knitting is apparently tantamount to a religion on KL. Beware the jihad that may result.

Anonymous said...

Re:knitflame and the comment that they're not talking knitting. No. That's not what KF is about. KF is about bitching about anyone who dares to think differently, knit differently, or who dares to ask a newbie question, when they're actually a newbie. Imagine a cage full of monkeys. Now imagine one poor lone monkey being painted pink, and thrown in with the other monkeys. The pink monkey gets torn to shreds. Now imagine that cage full of monkeys being KF, and any newbie is the pink monkey. If you can hold your own, and beat them off of you, at a fast enough rate (before the others swarm all over you), you may survive long enough to be left alone to post messages. But to think that Knitflame is about knitting, is your first serious mistake. Consider that to be the first dip in the pink paint.

Anonymous said...

They should have named their list KnitLame. Need I say more?

-haywood

elspeth said...

This is all like a very rich and tasty cake.

candy said...

hee hee
LOVE your antics! bring 'em on!