Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Our Favorite LYS* Explained

Recall that Flying Fingers Yarn Shop is totally the official LYS* of TK.BS**. This is archived correspondence helping to explain why.

Dear Elise or Kevin or both,

(If you are a webmaster and not Elise or Kevin or both, please immediately forward to Elise or Kevin or both as I would like a personalized response only.)

By way of introduction my name is Brian Blaho and I am totally a boy knitter and you may recognize me as the official boy-knitter from the knit-list. I am writing not only on my behalf, but also on behalf of my best knitting friend Bevin, who is totally fabulous and also a lawyer-knitter. She has begun to make many lawyer/judge-knitting contacts and I believe her knitting passion will totally lead to a great deal of wealth and prestige as she networks up the power knitting ladder.

We both live in the area and saw your ad in the latest and very hot edition of Bust. Thank you for supporting alterna-media.

I have two questions, Elise or Kevin or both. First, Bevin and I are considering branching out into the marvelous world of felting. Because we are begina-felters we are concerned about investing too much money in an endeavor that may fail, however remote that possibility. Also we totally love bags and want many of them, especially the felted kind, but none with hearts or stars or stripes or that kind of cutsey bullshit. We want to make felted bags with alien heads and skulls with crossbones. You understand. So my question for you, Elise or Kevin or both, is this: do you carry a relatively inexpensive yarn in multiple colors that you would recommend for felting purposes? We both totally hope you do.

Seond, because we believe in being prepared and also because we have not yet been to Flying Fingers we would like to know if your shop is a place for browsing and shopping only, or do you have a communal knitting area with sofas and soft chairs and the like that we may use to work on projects and chat with other knitters.

Finally we would like to know if you discriminate against crochet-people just because they practice an inferior fiber art. As you know, crochet is merely the art of making a giant knot that lays flat. Those freaks may as well be sailors for their knot making ability, but we do not believe they should be discriminated against because they are trying to make something beautiful even if they are destined to fail.

Please get back to me ASAP as Bevin and I would totally like to plan our trip to Flying Fingers for some time in the near future.

Your Pal,
The Boy Knitter of the Knitlist,
Brian

~~~~~~

Hi, Boy Knitter Brian,

I am Kevin, Man Crocheter of the Flying Fingers Yarn Shop. I also knit, but I am much better known for making flat knots than making flat mesh, though I like to think both are often beautiful.

I tend to stay away from the hearts and stars bullshit and also from the skulls and bones bullshit. We have many yarns that felt beautifully. In fact, I have taught a finger-crochet felted hat workshop where everyone left with a workable hat to go home and felt. We have Brown Sheep Lamb's Pride Worsted which is one of the world's best felting yarns in about 50 colors. We also have a 50% soy, 50% wool (though in tragically limited supply) Gianna from South West Trading Co. that makes outrageous felts. You have to get up here to see!

Felting is actually really easy, though always a bit of a crap shoot. Elise has probably hand felted more knit wear than any living person, since she's sold her own hand-knitted felted hat designs for the last fifteen years at craft shows in the city. We have space to sit and hang, by the way, including two red cozy tea sofas Elise found at a garage sale and refinished in bright red.

We're 150 yds from the Irvington train station or we can pick you up on the Yarn Bus. Check the web site for details or give us a call.

- Kevin or Elise or both

~~~~~~

Dear Kevin of the Crochet,

I have decided that based on the tone of your reply the Flying Fingers Yarn Shop will definitely become my official LYS*. This is despite the fact that you are not into skull and crossbones bullshit. I'm finishing up some projects currently in progress, but I'll visit Flying Fingers, my official LYS, as soon as I need to pick up new supplies. Perhaps I will sign up for a crochet class? Who can say for certain as I'm still dubious.

Delighted to make your acquaintence,
Brian

* Local Yarn Shop

~~~~~~

Dear Kevin or Elise or both or Agent of Kevin or Elise or Both,

I would like to book two vcuchers for the yarn bus.

Both passengers need to use the Union Square stop.

Please book us on any Sunday morning beginning February 20 until you can get us two confirmed vouchers. We prefer the latest drop off, but any drop off is acceptable.

Thanks,

Brian
The Boy Knitter of the Knitlist

~~~~~~

We have you both booked on Sun. Feb. 20th 10:00am, returning on the 4:00pm shuttle. You'll get your e-vouchers a couple of days before hand.

We also just had a couple of spaces open up on this Sat. 1:30pm, Jan. 22, if you're interested.

Thanks. Looking forward to meeting you!

~~~~~~

Dear Kevin,

Ok, I am totally not trying to be a pain or anything. However, I made this yarn bus request two days ago but then yesterday my friend Bevin and I discovered the registration for your crochet workshop on Feb 27, 2005. So we instantly mailed in our registration forms and are hoping that we will be able to secure two seats in your course.

But, and here is the part where you roll your eyes, the crochet course is one week after our requested yarn bus date. Will it be possible to change our yarn bus reservation to coincide with your crochet course if we get in? And, follow me here, not change our yarn bus reservation if we do not get into your crochet course?

That is to say we'd like you to not only teach us to crochet for free (plus cost of supplies) but also to truck our asses out to Irvington for free at the same time. I trust that if anyone can make this happen it is you, Kevin Crochet, the knot-maker we look up to most.

Thanks for being accomidating if in fact you are able to be accomidating. If not, then as Fonzie might say "sit on it!" Flying Fingers is still my favorite LYS* and my LYS of choice.

Brian

* Local Yarn Store

~~~~~~

Boy-Knitter,
Not painful at all, but I cannot accommodate you either. My crochet workshops fill up in a few days after the brochure goes out, so it's all filled up. I can put you on the waiting list so you are sure to get in for the next session (sometime in April). They are not really all that special, but popular (and fun), none the less. Like I say in the brochure, "go figure". So, since you did explain yourself quite clearly, I have left your reservations intact for Feb 20th.

- Kevin

~~~~~~

Dear Kevin,

SIT ON IT!

Brian the OBKOTKL*

*Official Boy Knitter of the Knit List


I'm totally looking forard to yarn shenanigans IRL***.

* Local Yarn Shoppe
** TotallyKnitting.blogspot.com
*** In Real Life

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Absolutely classic! Thanks for posting the correspondence in its entirety!

Yoko "no flat knots for me"
http://yoko.typepad.com

waterlilysage said...

this is so totally rad, start to finish, that i am rendered breathless. and speechless. (but clearly still able to type. barely.)

yarn. bus.

Anonymous said...

THIS is what you've been up to. I guess Benrick is over; knitting has changed your life.

Sushi on Friday, bring along Bevin, for sure!

My cell phone is dead. We have to find a clever alternative for communicating on Friday.

Skulls and crossbones and alien heads are the BEST.

Love,
Quiconque [http://quiconque.diaryland.com]

ratty said...

despite the fact that i am a complete knitting slacker, i have still laughed my ass off completely at this post, and must now go procure some glue to stick it back on.

skulls & crossbones rule,
addie