Saturday, February 26, 2005

An Open Letter to Joan in Eugene

Recall my earlier correspondence with Joan in Eugene.

This email was sent to Joan earlier this week.

Dear Joan in Eugene,

I am Brian, the boy* knitter of the knitlist and star of knitflame. You may remember me from such correspondence as "I have enormous feet" and "I had no idea that knitting was serious like cancer thank you, Joan in Eugene, for teaching me that."

Since our correspondence regarding my sock problem I have totally looked to you, Joan in Eugene, as a model of the appropriate way to interact with others on the internet and also as the pinnacle of the Joan-in-Eugene-Knitting-Correspondence-Paradigm, a paradigm which includes a complete dearth of cutsie-pieness.

This is why, Joan in Eugene, I am so troubled by recent correspondence posted by you to the knitflame yahoo group under the subject "Flaming the Flamer." I have excerpted this correspondence for your reference here.

"Why all the apostrophes, since it looks like those words are merely plurals? Or would you have me write - Why all the apostrophe's, since it look's like those word's are merely plural's?"

Joan in Eugene, why the cutsie-pie grammar lesson? Has there been a paradigm shift? Don't you feel you might have gotten a more complete response from the apostrophe offender if you'd left the cutsie-pie stuff out? Not that you are in any way wrong regarding the grammar infraction you called out. I mean, I can totally see that you have your grammar down. But I have to tell you, Joan in Eugene, that I was a little put off by the cutsie-pieness of it all, especially given that I have been striving to eliminate cutsie-pie from my life at your urging. I guess I just feel like your response should have been a little more cerebral.

Joan in Eugene, I demand you contact me immediately to settle this issue. Could it be that I have misinterpreted this cutsie-pie business entirely and while cutsie-pie is unfitting when it comes to knitting, it is entirely well-suited for grammar lessons? I need you to define this cutsie-pie paradigm a little more rigidly for me, Joan in Eugene. I think you'll completely agree that this is totally a paradigm gray area and I'm sure it will not be the only one. These sorts of questions are bound to come up in the future.

Looking to you--as always--for Guidance,

Brian (boy* knitter of the knitlist and star of knitflame)

*The use of "boy" here indicates gender only; it is no indication of age.

So far there has been no reply. I remain hopeful she will clear up this issue for me. I will keep you posted.


zanti said...

you really shouldn't torment the elderly.

Papergirl said...

Speaking of grammar (or spelling), cutesie pie is spelled thusly.